I’ve tried in many ways to tell indirectly that I don’t want it anymore and some of them weren’t quite obvious, I’m thinking now. I hope I don’t even have to think of a relationship again. It has been enough of an adventure and I’m better off without any. So before I forget, I’m going to write it down here. I try to do this in my mind every once in a while to re-assess that I’m not forcing my someone special to be with me for my sake. I hate being pitied upon and I’d rather be a loner than that!
- When I think of my someone special person, I don’t seem to find any good things any more. I usually get thoughts of fights, quarrels, tears, long gaps, unanswered phone calls, unread emails or text (I NEVER get a response is what I imply!), meaning she is telling me that she has lost interest. In return, I ignore them, completely.
- You don’t get straight answers when you ask questions. It is funny when this happens though. I ask about a dinner date we had and I’m told, oh, I was doing the laundry you know!, Naah, I’m being played so my typical kind of reaction, I reciprocate.
- There are a lot of things you don’t know about and you seem that you never will. Wow, that is a nice pair of trousers, I say. Yea, got it last weekend, she says. I start wondering, where I was by the way (Sleeping big time, lol). Did I not make a plan to go to Mamallapuram? weird. When did you stop wanting me to be around for a maniac shopping weekend, that is the first time? Hon, now I too have secrets and I’m a shopaholic too!
- You seem to put in all the effort and the other person, doesn’t seem to care! I really was worried when I was in the US. I tried calling and I won’t be able to reach you. I text, chat, email, I don’t seem to get responses. I ask your friend if you were alright and I’d probably get a response which is like “Ya, she is ok. Just a little busy with day stuff” Or? … This never happened. I was on the other side and I ended up hurting pretty bad. I’m sorry :-(
- Everything feels fake, unreal.. My gut feeling sometimes actually works! I keep on pinging you in the IM and I get a reply almost after 3 hours says, yea, what is your problem now? Don’t you see I’m doing something here?, Typical me giving a response, which also hurted pretty bad. Unforgivable, but yes, I confess, I did it.
- I don’t hear “I’m sorry bala, it was my fault” anymore, even though she was couple of hours late. You are taken for granted without any reason whatsoever. This hasn’t been my strong areas. I don’t mind waiting or thrown around. But when I realize what has happened to me and I confront, I don’t buy crap anymore. I just call it off
- I don’t feel like saying, “Lets talk” and I want to get over it. This, is the sign, at least for me that I’ve lost interest completely. I’ve always been able to talk things out and when I stop talking, then I’m almost done with it. The next step is to just move on.
I’ve treated people very rude and most of the time, my actions have been forgiven or forgotten, but I never let anyone have anything but my love and when I realized I didn’t have it any more, I moved on. I did myself a favor by doing that and not my girl friends.
Now, I’m no love guru or pundit. I write what I want because, at least, THIS is MY blog! But wait, why did I have to write that last sentence, heck, I don’t justify myself to my parents. Not a great thing, but at least they know what to expect of me. Life is easier when I don’t expect anything at all and keep it plain, simple and single!
Happy Weekend Loners!