A place I write about my personal and professional life, sharing experiences and an occasional rant about anything and everything that comes to my head. Thanks for visiting!

I got stabbed many times, but in vain

If You Really Love Something Set It Free.
If It Comes Back It's Yours, If Not It Wasn't Meant To Be

First attempt was at her. But why, ‘cos she had a mental fix about the mindset of her parents. I wanted to change that.  A year or may be more back, She had a cousin back home who lived with her parents. This cousin was an orphan and my exs’s parents were all she had. They took care of her cousin more than anything else and adored her truly.

The cousin fell in love with the boy next door and married him. Until after a year passed, no one came to know of the marriage. My ex’s parents were shattered of the betrayal. Ex’s mom tried to get them divorced from that revelation. Didn’t work out. Her uncle (with whom I later spoke and is another longer story), whose words are respected most, suggested to let her live her life the way she wanted to. Her cousin was forbidden to join the family again and more or less declared as unapproachable. Though she lived next door, never did anyone visit her after that. Years passed, she had kids, started to live a life, yet none visited her or let her to visit the family.

Coming back to my conversation with my ex, all I told her was, a cousin can never be a daughter and the affection they have for you are entirely different from what they had for your cousin. It is no harm speaking to them about us. But we will let it to their choice to decide what is good for you. She never thought she could do it. May be some day when she realise I was right, or may be she was right about her parents..

I made multiple attempts, tried to convince her and walked her through scenarios to speak with her parents. She seemed convinced at that moment. But she went blank the first time she visited her parents. I never had a second chance to convince her to speak with her parents again.

The only hope she gave me about approaching her parents was through her uncle. Her uncle had promised her that he would get her a gentleman and if liked someone, he will do whatever it takes to get them married.

She was going to talk to her uncle when a family fight separates him from the rest of the family. She won’t be able to approach him so talks to another aunt who might be able to help (she thought). The moment she says that she might see some guy, aunt starts ranting and gives a big lecture about her mom’s sacrifices, her dad’s efforts, what the society would think and how her decision would affect the rest of the girls in the family and such a bad example she would set for the siblings.

When she came back from her hometown, I managed to convince her to talk to her uncle regardless of the misunderstanding  the elders had. A catch, She had a condition. She would tell her uncle that I was the guy who was in love and she had nothing to do with this. She talked and he said NO. He explained that a gentleman from their community and not from a different caste or religion. He offered to talk to me to explain that to me. She on the other hand wanted to say the same thing. We were not in Love, I was..

I call her uncle, within minutes, he says am from a good family and how considerate I was. I didn’t fall for it yet. I gave him the best “tell me about yourself ” to him. She was on the call but on mute because she didn’t believe what I would say to her uncle. Her uncle thought the call was just between him and me. He went on to describe how he was in the same position years back and he had to sacrifice his love for the cause of the family. He however wanted to call me back after half an hour.

I hoped he was really going to do miracles. Gosh, I didn’t know it was just a mirage. He called back and said, he spoke his mom, consulted her if this will work out. And we all know what he is going to say next.

I didn’t stop there. I kept messaging him frequently to tell him what I felt, how I felt. I wanted to go out there to her home town and convince her parents. She’d never let me. She never did. It was the biggest blunder. I must have met them. My parents were ready to speak to them too. Talked them into how much better their daughter would be with me. The speeches I prepared, the debates I did to myself on various questions they might ask, the amount of intel I collected on her community and…..

Well nothing happened and I am now stab stabbed in the heart with a sharp dagger. Doctor’s say I would die if I take it off. They prescribed me painkillers and ways to live with the pain all my life.. Peace



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