She had always thought of me as a rude, cold blooded, arrogant person who cares about nothing but the job in hand and resolving issues.. Whoa, don’t judge either yet. Keep reading
When we used to talk when I was abroad, all I used to tell her were 3 or 4 lines.. Yea, I was stupid then. Never realised who I was speaking with. Most of the IMs were about work, resolving open issues, servers going down. She was a Sys Admin and her team was not preceded by a positive reputation. All the more reasons for me to get rid of the problem and establish a resolution. I called her once when I wasn’t able to reach anyone in her team and she was the only person who was available on IM
So the short talks obviously made her think that I was a total maniac.. When I called her for the first time on Feb 13, 2009 and spoke with her for almost 2 hours, all she did was to listen.. I was lecturing her about my school days, my college life, how my first job was, the challenges I faced, the girls in my life, my family, my friends and well, the list is long and I don’t think the details are helping :)
Bunch of days later, when we met in person, I was asking her what her first impression about me.. The answer wasn’t a surprise. She never believed it was the same person who talks on official calls and personally on her mobile phone.. She always thought there were two different Bala s (lol). She was convinced enough when I spoke to her in person, as a friend (intimately as a lover, she didn’t know yet about the love)
Just before our breakup, I asked her again. She wasn’t hesitating when she said, “I will never feel the same way I do with anyone else. Neither can there be another person who can fill in your place”
At times I think what the heck, lets forget the whole world and just think about you and me; later I change myself and think, that is being too selfish. I let her make her decision and I’m never going to repent it regardless of the outcome..
I have been sad, frustrated, shattered, but never disappointed that I loved her.. I’ve been very fortunate to be her first love.